Flying dog turd

This might be the best piece of news I've read in a long time. The real question is, how do you become famous enough where displaying a giant inflatable dog turd becomes art? I probably could have come up with that when I was 5, but no one would have cared. Oh well, maybe someday I can put all my excel spreadsheets on display or one of my smelly work shoes or something (which are disgusting by the way, does anyone else's work shoes start smelling like an undiscovered species of crab after a year or so?).

GENEVA (AFP) - A giant inflatable dog turd by American artist Paul McCarthy blew away from an exhibition in the garden of a Swiss museum, bringing down a power line and breaking a greenhouse window before it landed again, the museum said Monday.

The art work, titled "Complex S(expletive..)", is the size of a house. The wind carried it 200 metres (yards) from the Paul Klee Centre in Berne before it fell back to Earth in the grounds of a children's home, said museum director Juri Steiner.

The inflatable turd broke the window at the children's home when it blew away on the night of July 31, Steiner said. The art work has a safety system which normally makes it deflate when there is a storm, but this did not work when it blew away.

Steiner said McCarthy had not yet been contacted and the museum was not sure if the piece would be put back on display.

How to (not) cure hiccups

In the spirit of a wiki-how, I would like to inform you of how to cure hiccups (or not to, depending on how you interpret this story). On Saturday my friend was suffering from a long stint of hiccups that were on and off for many hours. They didn't go on for days like that girl on the news a few years ago and they weren't reminiscent of a teradactyl screech like yours truly's hiccups, but they were annoying none-the-less. Now, said friend was a bit intoxicated at the time and was going on about it and finally Sean decided to tell her that the sure fire way to cure hiccups is to "massage your uvula." For those of you who think I typed "vulva" and are grossed out and also a little intrigued, no need to get too excited because he was talking about the dangling piece of tissue in the back of the throat (or the "thingy" as my Mom would call it).

About 15 minutes later I had to use the restroom and my friend decided to join me. It was a one staller so we were in there together and as I was relieving myself she decided to take Sean's advice and massage her uvula to relieve herself. Let's see...was it two or three seconds later that she ralphed all over the sink? I was personally disgusted because I can't stand puke; I literally cry every time I have the misfortune of experiencing it. After making my thoughts on the situation clear (WTF are you doing and?!?) we made our way back to the table and I must have looked traumatized because everyone in our party immediately asked what happened. I relayed the story and meanwhile Sean is in the corner laughing hysterically because he obviously was playing a prank on her. When everyone realized what happened they were cracking up (and my stomach was still turning). My friend was strangely unphased by the whole episode and seemed perfectly happy because her hiccups were in fact gone.

So if drinking water upside down, holding your breath and eating a spoonful of sugar don't work the next time those pesky hiccups are ailing you, if you have the stomach for it try massaging your vulva (wait, I mean uvula).

Muir Woods

On Saturday Sean and I went to Muir Woods for the first time. I can't believe we have lived in San Francisco for 6 years and had never gone before. For shame! It was absolutely beautiful. There were huge redwood trees all over and the park and trails were extremely well maintained. It only cost $5 to get in (plus $3 for the shuttle that we took because we were afraid there wouldn't be any parking). We didn't have much time so we went on a short 2.5 mile hike, but there are tons of trails with a lot of different terrains. The best part is that it's shady and cool so for a fog child like me who doesn't fare well in heat it's a perfect hiking environment. You can even walk all the way to Stinson Beach, the problem with that is you have to walk back. Here's a pic of me hugging the largest redwood in Muir Woods that fell down 5 or 10 years ago.

So people don't get the wrong idea and think I'm too outdoorsy, this weekend I also watched 5 hours straight of So You Think You Can Dance with a friend. That show is awesome by the way. Even Mary's cackling is entertaining.

Poddington McHybrid

Wow, I can't believe it's been over a month since I wrote a blog. Sorry to my loyal readers (who probably aren't too loyal anymore). About 2 1/2 weeks ago Sean and I finally got our brand new Prius! I had to wait 6 weeks and was paranoid the whole time that someone was trying to screw me, but my patience finally paid off and I got the exact color and package that I wanted. It had 6 miles when we bought the car and now it has almost 2,000. Yes, we have gone on a few big road trips in the past two weeks :). I won't bore you with the grueling details of how we finally managed to get the car, but I will say that the waiting list we were on never panned out and we got really lucky that another dealership had the exact car that we wanted. It took about 5 hours of negotiating, walking out of the dealership and then getting called at 10:30 pm to go back because they agreed with our price but had to get the sale in by midnight. Apparently buying a car the last day of the month is the way to go because you have more negotiating power because they want to meet their projections.

I've always thought the Prius looks like a futuristic pod (much like a spaceship or some sort of alien transportation device) so we have aptly named our car Poddington McHybrid. So far we've gotten an average of 45 mpg, which is good considering we are driving it like a normal car (versus accelerating slowly etc). I might start driving it more like the famous Prius driver to see if I can get 50 mpg. Watch out world, here I (slowly) come!!

Chicken of the sea

Today I was in the kitchen at work and I noticed something very peculiar. There was canned chicken salad in the vending machine. It was wedged between cappucino cookies and rice krispie treats and really stuck out because it was the only item in there for $2.00. I'm not sure why people would buy canned chicken salad from our particular vending machine. Unless you would eat it with a cliff bar or dorritos, it doesn't go with anything. That's why I think the vending machine guy mixed us up with the office that gets saltines and celery sticks. They must have our donut holes (happy national donut day everyone!).

Different strokes for different folks

Two years ago Sean and I received a wedding gift from one of his co-workers. When Sean came home with the wrapped present I was extremely touched because I had only met this co-worker once and she wasn't invited to the wedding, so it was a gift given purely out of the kindness of her heart. We excitedly opened the present and pulled from the box some sort of twisted metal statue attached to a wooden heart shaped stand. Upon closer examination we figured out that the statue was two people twisted together in the shape of a heart. Huh...interesting. We didn't know what to do with it and felt bad for thinking it could have been a joke gift but sadly wasn't, so we decided to put it on the bottom shelf of our fish tank until further notice. A few weeks later we were at the grocery store in the section with the cards, flowers and feminie hygeine products (interesting product placement) and we noticed on the bottom shelf at the end of the aisle there was a box with a picture of our statue on it. I knelt down and picked up the box and lo and behold it was the ugly twisted metal heart statue, the very one in our house at that moment, and it was only $20 and came from Albertsons. Phew, pressure was off on having to keep that sucker.

Our next plan of action was to give it to our friend as a joke housewarming gift. We brought a few of our other friends in on it and surprised her with it during Christmas. She opened the gift and...that's right, LOVED it. We were all trying not to crack up and at one point I had to excuse myself so as to not blow our cover.

Fast forward two years later. Sean and I are in her apartment about a week ago and we notice the statue prominently displayed in her living room. We both start laughing and she asks what we are laughing at, but we pretend not to hear her. Sometimes it's the little things in life that are worth living for. This was one of them.

(unnamed friend, if you are reading this I'm sorry you are the butt of this joke, and that's why this post is annonymous).

Ode to Rock Band

Oh Rock Band, how I yearn to play you
Oasis, Metallica, even The Who
My fingers stroking your plastic keys
Fans singing along to my vocal tease

I get so much pleasure from rocking out
You give me something I've only dreamt about
A chance to be a star on the big stage
Playing my awesome songs that are all the rage

Let's go together on a World Tour
Let's play for charity and find a cure
Let's steal some roadies and drive a van
Let's play in Paris, Rome and Amsterdam

I know you are only a video game
And I'm 27 so playing you is kinda lame
But you are a temptaion that I cannot fight
So I'll pencil you in for Friday night

Civilized war?

I was reading an article this morning on Cnn.com about a treaty that 100 countries have signed to ban the use of cluster bombs because they are unrealiable, inaccurate and have too many adverse affects on civilians. Here is a quote from the article: "They are concerned that cluster munition remnants kill or maim civilians, including women and children, obstruct economic and social development, including through the loss of livelihood, impede post-conflict rehabilitation and reconstruction, delay or prevent the return of refugees and internally displaced persons, can negatively impact on national and international peace-building and humanitarian assistance efforts, and have other severe consequences that can persist for many years after use." Is it just me or is this slightly ironic? Not that I want cluster bombs out there threatening "international peace" but I feel like all war threatens international peace (yes sometimes you are fighting to keep the peace, but fighting for any cause still isn't peaceful). I am all for the laws of war or whatever, but when I really sit back and think about the fact that people try to make something as barbaric as war civilized it reminds me that the world we live in is strange.

What we really need is for the weapon producers to build themselves iron flight suits and go around the world destroying their weapons and making right their past endeavors that put civilians in harms way in the first place. And Robert Downey Jr. and I will be sitting on the beach drinking mai tais and tickling each other's feet, congratulating ourselves on our fine idea that will truly promote international peace.

How many accountants does it take to split a bill? Answer: more than three

Last night Lauren, Emily, Sarah and I had our second Supper Club outing. During our most recent spa day at Nob Hill Spa (see Grapes and Salami post on March 27, 2008) we decided to start a Supper Club. The inspiration was this season of Top Chef Chicago, which has four chefs from San Francisco. It was decided that we don't see each other often enough because life gets in the way, so if we have a monthly dinner it will force us to get together and we can check out the Top Chef restaurants. So far we haven't been to any of those restaurants, but we have plenty of time for that.

We went to a tapas place called Laiola in the Marina. Not to turn this into a yelp posting, but the place had a great atmosphere and they pour little carafes of wine for the wines by the glass, so it's more like 1.5 glasses for $12. Which is also the price of a pretty good bottle of BV at Safeway. This is of course beside the point because Supper Club would lose all of its elegance if it took place in the Safeway deli. The first suggestion I made from the menu was chickpeas and blood sausage. Lauren quickly informed me that blood sausage is some sort of coagulated blood, not actual sausage, at which point I almost knocked over my $12 glass of wine in horror. Needless to say I ended up ordering the grilled quail. After we finished our first five or six dishes, we decided to continue ordering. We got some advice from our waiter and he said that we should order the blood sausage dish and everyone agreed (except me). It was basically dark brown/red squishy bits of matter on top of chickpeas in a bowl. Gross. After a lot of pressure, I tasted a little bit and it didn't taste like much, but it was very salty.

After two hours of another successful Supper Club meal, the bill arrived. Everyone didn't have the same amount of alcohol, so we decided to divide the food by 4 and then everyone would pay for their own alcohol. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. Three of us are accountants and it took us about 20 minutes to figure this out. Part of this 20 minutes was taken up by our bitching about the "cover charge" which we thought was the bread and water. We were getting pretty fired up about being charged for something that was brought to the table without us ordering it and something that is customarily free. The waiter finally came over and asked if we needed help because it was taking so long (and I think they were trying to close and we didn't realize it). He explained that the cover charge was for the health care costs of the employees that San Francisco recently voted for. It was also written in bold on the insert with the bill. Hmm, that was embarrassing. Then we all got confused about how much to tip. What percentage should we tip and should it be before or after alcohol? Emily was attempting to tip 16% (that's right, not 15% or 20%, but 16%) and couldn't figure out how to use the calculator function on her cell phone. The whole scene was ridiculous, entertaining and sad.

I - am- Iron - Man...dunananana na na na

Yesterday I saw Iron Man, and I must say it was an excellent movie. I'm not going to lie - as embarassing as it is, I like comic book movies (only the good ones of course). But even if your blood pressure isn't rising with the excitement of the lasest Marvel Comic flick because you don't know if you should wear your Superman shirt or if you should glue sand all over your body because the Sandman is your favorite character, you will probably like this movie. It has Robert Downey Jr., Gwentyh Paltrow and Jeff Bridges. How could it not be good? Robert Downey Jr. does a superb job. He is so super sexy with those big brown eyes and hot bod and surprisingly he is a really great actor. I say "surprisingly" because I had never seen him in anything and thought he was a washed up ex (?) drug addict has been. I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong, and this is one of those times. I also thought Robert Downey Jr. and Gwenyth Paltrow had great chemistry. Everything was really subtle and Gwenyth looks great as a strawberry blonde. I highly recommend this movie, you won't regret it.

The Love Connection

Remember that game show from the 80's that Chuck Woolery hosted called Love Connection? My Mom LOVED it and we used to watch it every week (along with The Wonder Years...whoah, that was a throw back). Anyway, last Thursday I had the pleasure of becoming Chuck Woolery for a night and testing my matchmaking skills. I went swing dancing at Le Colonial and after dancing with a few weirdos I finally got asked to dance by a normal guy who could lead someone who doesn't know what they are doing (me). I started talking to this guy (Mike) and he ended up being really cool. I told him I was married right away so I knew he wasn't hitting on me, but at many points during the night we would end up next to each other again and start talking. I decided that my purpose was to be his wing man and I would scout out cute girls for him to dance with. At one point I noticed a cute girl in a red dress and told him to ask her to dance. After the song, he came back and told me she was kinda weird, married and he couldn't tell if she was 25 or 45. We should have been tipped off when we scouted her out during the previous song and she was dancing in a circle with an old man and an old lady. She was either having a special family moment with her grandparents or she was interrupting a cute old couple's date night. Either way, probably a good tip off.

At this point I wasn't too confident in my wing man abilities. Then Mike asked me if I had any single friends I could set him up with. I said, yes I do, I have the perfect person for you. I got his business card, told my friend Rachel about him, he emailed her on Friday and they went on a date on Sunday. Rachel had a good time and said he was really interesting and had a lot of qualities she's looking for. Who knows what will happen, but at least Rachel got a few free drinks and a nice conversation out of it.

Egad!

Today I was on the phone with Sean and in all seriousness he busted out "oh egad! I forgot about that." I don't even remember what we were talking about, I was so thrown back by the use of a word I thought people stopped using, oh I don't know, 200 years ago. But then again this did come from the guy that also says "holy smokes" and calls people "dingleberries" when they disobey traffic laws, so I guess it shouldn't have been all that surprising.

Sean, I love your old soul :)

The Earth's Song

Last night I went to my very first yoga class. I have a lot of friends who love yoga and they always say how great it makes them feel so it's been on my list of things to try for awhile. I am extremely inflexible so I knew it was going to be very difficult for me, and honestly that's why I put off trying it for so long. Who likes to do things that they aren't good at? Not many people.

I went into the yoga studio with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. We started out by sitting on wool blankets with our legs crossed. The lights were dim and the heater was on so it was pretty relaxing and I was thinking to myself "hey, this does feel good." Then our teacher started talking about really hippie things like how the Earth has a song and so do our bodies and in yoga we are trying to find our song so that we are more connected to the Earth. All I was thinking was thank goodness everyone's eyes are closed and Allyson isn't here because I literally had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from busting up in fits of laughter. I'm not saying it wasn't relaxing and peaceful, because it definitely was, and I can totally understand and appreciate the merit of everyone's personal spiritual journey. But, seriously, it was hilarious.

After the introduction we started doing the typical yoga poses and I was no longer laughing or thinking "hey, this does feel good." At this point I was feeling retarded because I couldn't do any of the poses and I was shaking just trying to keep them up (maybe I was feeling weak because I had already been at the gym for an hour and a half before yoga started trying to get my workout in thinking that yoga wouldn't be hard). At any rate it was very difficult and I didn't enjoy it very much. I'm going to keep doing it as a challenge to myself and I would like to get more flexible and balanced so I think it will help me in the long run. Hopefully over time it will become less miserable as well.

The class ended with laying on our mats in the dark with our hippie teacher saying "ooohms" and ringing a bell. And even after an hour of appreciating how hard yoga is I still had to stifle a laugh.

Granola is yummy

This Sunday is Earth Day and the Green Apple Festival (which is free) is happening in Golden Gate Park at Noon. There's some live music and speeches. If this weekend is as nice as last weekend it should be a good time. It's pretty cool because the festival is supposed to be as green as possible. According to the website, they implement a zero waste goal, have mandated a paperless event, use organic cotton t-shirts for staff, use bio-diesel generators for power where possible, serve organic food and encourage patrons to take public transportation, bike or get to the event on foot. They also have aggressive recycling and reusing efforts. I think I will stop by because I like live music, free things, and supporting the environment.

On another note, Trader Joe's has new compostable bags to replace all plastic bags, which I think is really cool.

Here's the website for the Green Apple Festival:
http://www.greenapplemusicfestival.com

GAI

The other day, I was watching the Ben Franklin episode of The Office and it included one of my favorite all time Michael Scott quotes. He was in the conference room talking to Angela and the rest of the party planning committee about the bridal shower that they were giving Phyllis.

Angela: You know this is a luncheon shower. Girls only.

Michael Scott: No problem. The guys are having a little shindig of their own in the warehouse. From 2:30 to 3:15. That is the only time that Bob was available. Sort of a guys' night out. A 'G-N-O' if you will. A 'gno.' Actually it's more of a guys' afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay. Not-- not... it's uh, not gay. It's, uh, just uh, it's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys.

If you've never seen this episode I highly recommend it. Steve Carrell's delivery of this quote is perfect!

Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks

Last Friday Sean and I went to the Giants v. Cardinals game with some of our friends. I was very excited because it was the first night game of the regular season and the weather was supposed to be beautiful (and it was...no wind and probably high 60's or maybe even 70). I love baseball. True, I would rather watch the TV Guide Channel than a game on television and to be honest I don't pay much attention even when I watch live games. But despite that, I love the feel of baseball. It means the beginning of springtime, which means it is no longer winter, which means it's no longer my least favorite season. Philspunkter (or whatever that groundhog is named) has nothing on opening week of baseball. I love sitting in the sun and drinking beer and feeling like I'm part of a great American tradition.

And of course, baseball also means indulging in "food" that ends up having its way with your digestive system, if you know what I mean. I had some beer, cracker jacks, a hot dog, chips and garlic fries. It is Monday at 4:00 and I still don't feel quite right. I'm pretty sure it was the garlic fries that really did me in. We left the game early because we had another event to go to and we ended up walking for about 20 minutes before we found an available cab. At this point the "food" was starting to process and I wasn't feeling my best. About 2 minutes into the cab ride I realized that luck was not on my side that night. This cab driver was insane. He was trying to drive like 60 mph up Pine but he constantly had to slam on the brakes because, surprise surprise, there were other cars on the road not going 35 mph over the speed limit. The cab was a minivan and there were either no shocks or the cab driver had his own special driving technique because not only was the cab lurching forward when he slammed on the brakes, it was also swaying from side to side as we were barreling up Pine Street. Then to top it all off there was some sort of jazz music playing while the dispatcher radio was turned up to what must have been the loudest setting. Not a very relaxing cab ride to say the least. In fact, I'm sure there are still marks where I was digging my fingers into the seat. But to his credit, he got us all the way home for only $13.

Technology hurts my head

For those of you that don't know, I'm a bit slow when it comes to updating technology. I think it's a mixture of being cheap, lazy and rebellious. And yes I do know it sounds ironic because I have two flat screen TV's at home about 20 feet away from each other. However, if my living room wall would just rotate like in the movies it would be a moo point. I also realize that I have an iphone, but that was a gift and I did contemplate returning it. Anyway, for years I have been rebelling against paying extra for digital cable, but when we moved in July I finally caved and ordered the Comcast bundle meaning that I have digital cable, digital phone and cable internet for one low price. I have no idea what digital phone means or why anyone would ever pay more for it, but it was included in the bundle so it ended up being cheaper than regular phone service.

So the point is (well actually, for those of you who are hoping there's a point to this post, there isn't so you can stop reading at any time) our digital phone has been out of commission for about 3 months now. Sean has tried restarting the modem and doing some other things and nothing has worked. The only type of phone that I understand is the one that plugs into the wall, so I'm no help. At the beginning I kept asking Sean if he checked the wire that plugs into the phone jack and he kept having to explain that it's not that kind of phone. Sean is too busy/lazy/forgetful to call the cable company and I haven't done it because I wouldn't even know where to start fixing the damn thing. Sometimes I think technology is too complicated. I feel like I can't even call the cable company to fix our phone because I don't know what the millions of wires in our house are for or where they even are. All I know is that all I have to do is press one button on our crazy universal remote and everything magically turns on. It's amazing that I even know how to blog.

Going (or not) to a Hukilau

This week two major airlines that fly to Hawaii, Aloha and ATA, announced that they are filing for bankruptcy and are discontinuing all of their operations. On a purely selfish level this announcement left me feeling sad and concerned. I love Hawaii. I've been at least 20 times, maybe more. My family has been going since I was a child, my husband was born and raised on Oahu and his entire family still lives there. To think that the reduced competition coupled with high fuel costs will make a trip to the place with beautiful sandy beaches, lush tropical foliage, great shopping and delicious Vietnamese sandwiches less accessible, makes me sad. Hopefully Hawaiian Airlines keep their prices reasonable and/or Southwest or someone else starts flying to Hawaii. I hope my two options don't come down to shelling out $1,000 to fly United or visiting Allyson in Houston, not that I have anything against Houston (except for the obvious).

Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival

On Sunday Sean and I bought tickets for the San Francisco Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival. It's a three day music festival August 22 - 24th in Golden Gate Park and the main acts are Jack Johnson, Tom Petty, and Radio Head. The other acts I'm really excited about are Beck, Ben Harper, ALO, and Donavon Frankenreiter. There are over 30 bands and it's going to be amazing. The tickets were pricey, but it's definitely going to be worth it, especially considering it's for 3 days. And to top it all off the venue is a short walk or bus ride from our apartment. If you are interested, here is the website:

http://www.sfoutsidelands.com/

Lauren the trickster

This past weekend some friends and I went to the Nob Hill Spa (see Grapes and Salami post). While we were soaking in the hot tub, Regina randomly announced "Lauren is getting engaged!" Side note, the Nob Hill Spa hot tub is EXTREMELY hot. It's advertised as 104 degrees, but I think it's actually 140 degrees (i.e. hot enough to burn human flesh). The furthest I could go in was up to my belly button, and it took me about 10 minutes to get that far. And for some unknown reason when the jets were on, honest to goodness bubbles formed. It looked like someone poured a bottle of dawn in there, and at one point when I was losing the feeling in my toes and was surrounded by bubbles and crazy jets I felt like I was in a human dishwasher. BUT, the spa was amazing and I had a great massage and had some good quality time with my friends.

Anyway, so after Regina's announcement everyone was very excited and started grilling Lauren about the details. She told us that in February Steve told her that he was going to propose sometime before her birthday in June. We started asking questions about if they had gone ring shopping, and how all this came up and if she was excited etc etc. She seemed a little subdued about the whole thing, but I figured it was because we were bombarding her with questions. Then about 3 hours later after all our services were completed, we were sitting by the fireplace (eating our grapes and salami) and Lauren puts out her left hand and says, "look what Steve gave me." Silence. Everyone was completely stunned. Emily was trying to figure out which hand Lauren was showing us, Regina looked really confused, Sarah's mouth was wide open and I was wondering why Steve gave Lauren a diamond promise ring 2 months before he was going to propose anyway, that made no sense. Then we all realized that she was already engaged and she was surprising us. It was awesome! We were screaming and making a big commotion and it was a great end to our evening. Lauren told us Steve proposed on February 17th. Let me tell you, Lauren is a great liar. She had been engaged for 6 weeks and didn't tell any of us and three hours before all this she lied straight to our faces! Lauren and Steve have been surprising all of their friends and family in person and they have a picture album of people's reactions, it's really cool. Their kids are going to have amazing surprise parties.

Congratulations Steve and Lauren!!!!!

Grapes and salami

In just two short days I will be relaxing at my favorite place in San Francisco, the Nob Hill Spa (Lahore Indian/Pakistani food on O'Farrell and Leavenworth is a close second). Every year since 2005 a group of us have had an annual spa day to relax and enjoy each other's company. Last year we flew down to L.A. and went to the Glen Ivy spa in Corona and it was like an adult Raging Waters on crack. There were about 300 people running around caked in mud (the mud bath was Glen Ivy's thing. It was basically an outdoor fountain and you just grabbed mud and rubbed it on yourself. A bit strange if you ask me.), the locker room was a mad house, the food was less than desirable, and there was about 5 inches of space between each person in the pool (not to mention random hairs floating around. Yuck.). Let's just say it was NOT relaxing. I will admit, that I might be just a tiny bit jaded by my personal spa service. I got a facial, which was great despite the freezing cold room. I also got a bikini wax. I won't bore you with the details, but feel free to use your imagination when I tell you that this was the first time this lady had ever given a bikini wax and she had never even been trained (I'm not making this up, she actually told me this).

So this year, I am looking forward to the Nob Hill Spa. If you have never been it is an absolute must. I'm going to get an 80 minute massage and I'm stoked. Our appointments aren't until 6:00 but we are going to spend time beforehand relaxing in the steam room/sauna/hot tub/pool and after our appointments we are going to have snack time by the fireplace. Sarah is bringing wine, Emily is bringing cheese and crackers, Regina is bringing something choclatey, Lauren planned the whole thing so she doesn't have to bring anything, and I'm bringing...grapes and salami. Does anyone else think grapes and salami is a bit random? I actually started cracking up when Emily sent the email listing out what we are bringing. I responded by saying that my items sound ridiculous and she laughed and agreed, but reminded me that that's what I volunteered to bring. Which is true. Weird things happen to me on spa day (see above paragraph), but I think it will really round out snack time quite well.

Adult Alternative

I think I'm officially an adult. I don't have kids, own a house or itemize my taxes, but I've taken a turn down a long, dark road and I forgot to leave bread crumbs (or crumpled up bits of punk rock discs, as the case may be) to find my way back. Somehow Adult Alternative music has seeped into my brain...and most disgusting of all I actually enjoy it. I consciously opt to listen to the Soft Rock HD radio channel at work and I switch between Singers and Standards, Adult Alternative and Alternative on my digital TV at home. Alternative only joins the rotation on the weekends and when I'm driving. The last thing I want to do when I get home from a long day at work is listen to kids thrashing around on their instruments like if they don't get all of their aggression out right NOW they will collapse and die (a). And to get my point across as to how far down this long dark road I have gone, when I was filling out my application for guitar lessons, I said that I would like to learn folksy adult alternative type music. Where did that come from???

For those of you who have known me for a long time, this probably comes as a shock. I've always loved punk, classic rock, alternative rock etc. The Warped Tour was my favorite concert in high school. I saw Blink 182 at the Paso Robles fair in the late 90's and was in heaven (b). And I still love rock music, but as I get older I also like soft rock, and that distresses me. Although to my credit, soft rock these days is like alternative from when I was growing up. It's no longer Kenny G or Peter Frampton siging about dragonflys in summer time (that one's for you Mom), so maybe it's not all that bad.

(a) On a side note Miles Davis after a long day of work does the same thing. I think my blood actually starts to boil.
(b) Another side note: I seriously hate fairs, be it Renaissance, Dickens or the good old fashioned kind with toothless operators of rusty death traps that people actually pay to ride. This will be my next poll...watch out for it.

How to make a duct tape top hat

I was online today checking out my new igoogle homepage (thanks for the tip Marina!), and at the bottom there is a window for some how-to tips of the day. Today the link was "how to make a duct tape top hat." I couldn't help but click the link because really, who wouldn't want a top hat made out of duct tape? There was a full on in your face website dedicated to this craft. There were detailed instructions, pictures and numbered steps. And, it was in all seriousness, there was absoluely no irony or second thought that perhaps this website was dedicated to something a bit strange. My favorite part was that there were links to other things to make out of duct tape. How to make a duct tape wallet, a duct tape fedora, a duct tape mini skirt etc. I actually think it was really awesome. I would like to make an entire duct tape outfit. Maybe next Halloween Sean and I can be duct tape versions of Fabio and his wench.

Here's a link for anyone who would like to increase their skills with duct tape: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Duct-Tape-Top-Hat

Are you kidding me, part 5?

Last night Sean and I saw the movie 10,000 B.C. and the previews didn't lie, it was as stupid as it looked. In that sense it wasn't disappointing. There's nothing worse than seeing a movie that looks awesome in the previews and then lets you down. The one saving grace for 10,000 B.C. is beneath all the dirt and grime the main character is pretty hot. The most annoying part of the movie was the people sitting behind us. They were whispering almost the whole time, which I can deal with, but the obnoxious part was the guy was hacking away constantly. It's like, I don't want to sit in a movie that's ridiculous and then on top of it all listen to some guy trying to make music with his sticky mucous. It was disgusting and surprisingly loud. Take a throat lozenge or a sip of water or don't go to a movie. I personally think they should add the sound he was making to the "don't make your own soundtrack" preview along with the crying babies. And on a side note, every time I hear those babies I always think they are real and start looking around. I think it's because they only have them coming out of the back speakers. Stereo sound, it tricks me every time.

I just puked a little in my mouth

Sean and I have had an ongoing joke for about 7 years now. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that Sean has had an ongoing joke and I've given him 7 years of disgusted looks, wondering how I married a man who has the sense of humor of a 12 year old. I'm not even sure how the joke started, I think it was a scene in a movie, but the image is a guy sitting around in his underwear with a bucket of KFC, wrapping french fries in fried chicken skin and dipping this greasy concoction into a bowl of baked beans. And then eating it. For some reason Sean finds this hilarious and every time we pass a KFC (for the past SEVEN YEARS) Sean references it somehow. Lucky me.

Last Sunday we met Sarah's boyfriend Rich for the first time and what does Sean start talking about to make his first impression? That's right, KFC fried chicken french fry baked bean goo. Gross. And embarrassing. Rich was a good sport though and they get on to the topic of the KFC mashed potato bowls (which Sean also thinks is hilarious, but I'm not sure KFC is trying to be funny). We were going to go after brunch and get the mashed potato bowls to try them out, but the thought of it made me puke a little bit in my mouth. Sean and I have decided that sometime in the next week we are going to try them and then if I can pull myself away from the toilet I will report back.

To be continued...

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Happy blogging,
Nicole

Are you kidding me, part 3?

Last night Sean and I went to a great little restaurant in Russian Hill called Ristorante Milano. About a month ago we went to Swensen's for ice cream for the first time (if you can believe that) and that is when we realized how cute Russian Hill is. There are a ton of quaint restaurants and wine bars and we vowed to come back (and move there if we ever have enough money). So when our friends invited us to dinner at Ristorante Milano we jumped at the chance. Because this was our first time going out in Russian Hill and because we live in the super un-cool Inner Richmond, we didn't realize how ridiculous parking would be on a Sunday night. We drove around for 30 minutes looking for a spot. We saw about 10 people get spots but we apparently weren't in the right place at the right time. Anyway, we finally made it to the restaurant, had a lovely dinner, went to our friend's house to hang out on their roof deck and when we were making our way back to our car I saw the strangest thing. It was 11:30 pm on a Sunday night...in MARCH....and a lady was taking out her Christmas tree and putting it in the trash. WHAT, are you kidding me?? Has anyone ever seen that 80s movie Flight of the Navigator where the kid (is it Fred Savage?) goes to school and when he comes home all of the locks have been changed and he walks around the side of the house and peeks in the window and it's a totally different family living in his house? It turns out he was abducted by aliens and thrown into the future (bear with me, this is my muddled memory of a movie I saw 18 years ago). And he has that fuzzy creature that lives in his backpack. Well anyway, it was like that. I thought it was March 2008 but unbeknownst to me when I crossed the corner of Sacramento and Hyde I fell into a black hole of time and it spit me out into January 2020. Too bad I wasn't there long enough to see if I was unfortunate enough to still be living in the Inner Richmond. Very strange.

Proud to be an American

Ok, so here's the deal. Our economy is going into a recession. The price of crude oil is the highest in history, the housing market is a smelly pile of fraud and idiocy, our government has led us into a major deficit, no one under 40 will see their hard earned social security benefits, healthcare is a cluster fuck, and the list goes on and on...and on...and on. But despite all of this, I still believe that our country is the best. We have one of the highest standards of living on Earth, we are innovative, we have rights that millions of people living under oppressive governments don't have, we have reality TV shows and we have a Starbucks on every corner. Everyone do your part for our economy and our country - when you get your special tax refund spend it in America on American products/services. Don't go to Walmart and buy a toy with lead in it or bad dog food from China. Go to a nice restaurant, travel to a new place and stay in a fancy hotel. Don't put it in your ING account. The purpose of the special tax refund is to stimulate the economy so go out and do what Americans do best - waste your money!

Winter, go away

I don't know about anyone else, but I am SO sick of winter. It's my least favorite season and it always seems to drag on. The last two weeks in SF have been beautiful, which has started my end of winter itch. Of course, the clouds have rolled in for the weekend, but I took a walk every day this week at lunch to take advantage of the sun. At 2:00 am this Sunday Daylight Savings begins, which is awesome, and perhaps the one good thing President Bush did during his 8 year term (he extended Daylight Savings by a month a few years ago). Let's all take a moment to celebrate an extra hour of daylight (sorry Arizona and Hawaii, you're not included). I think I will celebrate by not being annoyed that it is already Sunday.

Happy birthday Marina, bringer of light!

Book Club

Sean and I were invited to join Mike's new book club (Mike knows Dan who is Stephanie's boyfriend who is Sean's friend at Hastings). I've been wanting to join a book club for the past 3 years or so and I'm really excited about it. Our first book was And Then We Came To The End, and it sucked. Well ok, "sucked" is too harsh a word, but it was only available in hard cover and it definitely wasn't worth the $25. Oh, and I didn't enjoy reading it. It was about corporate office life and followed a bunch of characters that were annoying and nothing really happened. And I didn't like the prose, it was very choppy. Our second book club meeting was last night and we read The Maltese Falcon, which was excellent. Riveting characters, interesting story and very well written. It was descriptive without going over board and the character development was superb. Next we are reading The Princess Bride by William Goldman, per my suggestion. I hope it's good!
The book club is great because I've met some wonderful people and it's fun to sit around and drink wine and be social. We usually only talk about the book in little spurts throughout the night, the main point is to just hang out. The only slightly annoying part is that you don't have control over the books you read. Our book club is half guys and half girls which makes it that much harder to figure out a book that everyone will enjoy.